I'm usually very "eh whatever" about gender dynamics, which is not to say that I'm completely unaware of them, but rather that I try to act as if they're not there because I believe that's the best way to get to a place where they don't permeate our every encounter. I read this post written by a friend of a friend a few weeks ago and thought "really? I think maybe this is revelatory of some of your issues more than a general 'thinking gender.'" I certainly don't wonder about the possibility of being gang-raped in the gym, even when I'm there near closing, but hey, maybe her gym is sketchier than mine.
That being said, I felt gender dynamics acutely today while shopping. I needed jeans, so I wandered into the Levi's store. You see, I had heard about their new curve id jeans, where they have categorized the size of a woman's ass and made jeans according to these categories. Everyone should read this excellent essay about the jeans, and the gender constructs surrounding them (by the same woman as the post above).
The thing is, there were no women working there that day, so I was attended by a (straight) guy. And I felt uncomfortable telling him my size and having him suggest which curve id I should try. I felt like saying "quit looking at my body, asshole!" but he wasn't being at all creepy about it, he was just doing his salesman job of helping a customer. The mild discomfort I had about revealing my jeans size (see excellent essay above for why women even feel anxiety about a random number) only got worse when I came out of the dressing room and he asked how the jeans I tried on worked, and since they did not fit quite right I was forced to describe in which way they did not fit, which once again, I felt was just a little too personal. I don't have such qualms when talking to a saleswoman, of course, nor even a gay salesman. That gender / sexuality dynamic was really the source of my anxiety. Every little thing about this encounter jumped out at me. When he gave me a different style, and a pair in the size above as well since "it runs small," I felt affronted (he wasn't being a jerk, they really did run small in that style). As I kept trying new things and rejecting them, I became more and more comfortable telling him what didn't work about a particular pair, but the feeling I had at the beginning stayed in my mind for hours after I left the store. It made me think of all the bullshit surrounding women's bodies in our society, and I hate all of that nonsense even more for the fact that it made me feel the way I did in the store. (Not to mention how much I already hate western society for the body image anxiety that it bestows upon girls and what a shitty experience the dressing room already is).
In the end, I didn't even buy anything, none of them were quite right. So I must shop for jeans another day. Hopefully there will be a saleswoman working at the next store. And I still hate that I even have to think that way.
That being said, I felt gender dynamics acutely today while shopping. I needed jeans, so I wandered into the Levi's store. You see, I had heard about their new curve id jeans, where they have categorized the size of a woman's ass and made jeans according to these categories. Everyone should read this excellent essay about the jeans, and the gender constructs surrounding them (by the same woman as the post above).
The thing is, there were no women working there that day, so I was attended by a (straight) guy. And I felt uncomfortable telling him my size and having him suggest which curve id I should try. I felt like saying "quit looking at my body, asshole!" but he wasn't being at all creepy about it, he was just doing his salesman job of helping a customer. The mild discomfort I had about revealing my jeans size (see excellent essay above for why women even feel anxiety about a random number) only got worse when I came out of the dressing room and he asked how the jeans I tried on worked, and since they did not fit quite right I was forced to describe in which way they did not fit, which once again, I felt was just a little too personal. I don't have such qualms when talking to a saleswoman, of course, nor even a gay salesman. That gender / sexuality dynamic was really the source of my anxiety. Every little thing about this encounter jumped out at me. When he gave me a different style, and a pair in the size above as well since "it runs small," I felt affronted (he wasn't being a jerk, they really did run small in that style). As I kept trying new things and rejecting them, I became more and more comfortable telling him what didn't work about a particular pair, but the feeling I had at the beginning stayed in my mind for hours after I left the store. It made me think of all the bullshit surrounding women's bodies in our society, and I hate all of that nonsense even more for the fact that it made me feel the way I did in the store. (Not to mention how much I already hate western society for the body image anxiety that it bestows upon girls and what a shitty experience the dressing room already is).
In the end, I didn't even buy anything, none of them were quite right. So I must shop for jeans another day. Hopefully there will be a saleswoman working at the next store. And I still hate that I even have to think that way.
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